Free Parenting Articles
Marriage, Fights, and Mind Reading: 3 Magic Solutions
By Jean Tracy, MSS
Does mind reading cause fights in your marriage? Find out how one young couple handled their first spat. Then learn the 3 magic solutions for preventing both mind reading and fights in your marriage.
Kids on Marriage
7-year-old Will answered this question, "Is it better to be married or single?"
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble," he answered.
Whether you're a single parent, divorced, married, or hoping to be married, read on. This is for you.
Kids don't like hearing their parents fight. Fighting means trouble. If your marriage is full of trouble, you can stop. Fighting's not good for your kids. It's not good for you. It's not good for your spouse either.
Do you remember your first fight? Perhaps it gives you a headache just thinking about it. Let's find out how one young couple dealt with their first spat.
Marilyn and Jim's First Marriage Argument(an excerpt from Parents in Love)
Our friends, Marilyn and Jim, are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. We first met Marilyn when she and her husband were raising 3 teenagers. At the time, we needed an office manager for our counseling practices. Marilyn was the first candidate I interviewed. I was so impressed with her that I knocked on my husband's office door and said, "Let's not look further. Marilyn's perfect."
A woman of great integrity, smart as a whip, and great with patients, Marilyn had one big worry. Her friendly, dynamic husband, Jim, had recently retired as a police chief after experiencing a severe heart attack. That was over 30 years ago.
Recently we met for lunch. I asked them, "What's the bond that keeps you together?"
We married right out of high school," said Marilyn. "I thought, If Jim truly loves me, he'll know what I'm thinking.'"
After their first spat, Marilyn headed for the front steps and slammed the door behind her. Pouting like a hurt child, she sat down and waited for Jim to apologize. She waited, and waited, and waited.
Marilyn didn't know Jim was inside watching a football game. When he finally came out, he told her, "Come inside. This isn't Ozzie and Harriet (a popular TV program at the time). We need to talk."
Marilyn learned to speak up.
As our officer manager, we teased her about her hit list.' They were clients who didn't pay their bills. Combining tact and assertiveness, Marilyn was a master at getting them to pay. Of course, by then she knew the 3 magic solutions.
First Magic Marriage Solution Use Your Reason and Let Go of Mind Reading
You can guess but you can't read anyone's mind. Sometimes your guesses are close. Much of the time, they're wrong.
If you're not good at mind reading, neither is your partner. Nobody is. Use your reason and let go of mind reading. You'll both be happier.
Second Magic Marriage Solution Choose What to Say
Stop overheating your mind with self pitying thoughts. Stop nursing your wounded heart. Think wisely. Choose specific words that your partner can accept. Make sure they aren't hurtful or you'll lose. Be kind and direct in choosing what to say.
Third Magic Marriage Solution Speak up and Do It Right
Talk clearly. Ask a direct question without accusing. Discuss a specific behavior and say how you felt. Tell your partner what you would like. One more thing, don't drown your spouse in words. Talking too much drives your listener to distraction. Pretty soon your partner won't hear you. Speak up and do it right.
Magic Marriage Conclusion - The 3 Solutions for Avoiding Mind Reading and Fights
Why are these 3 solutions magic? Like the art of magic, they take time, patience, and practice to learn.
Next time, when you're tempted to fight, practice a little magic. Stop mind reading. Use your reason. Choose what to say and speak up.
If you do, your children won't fear your marriage is in trouble. You won't be getting headaches from fighting. You'll be respecting each other. You'll be solving problems too.
Please feel free to use this article in your newsletter, blogs, and pass it along to your friends when you include the following:
The above true story is an excerpt from Jean Tracy's e-Book, Parents in Love - 121 Dating Ideas. In it you'll find more helpful stories, tips, and lots of dating ideas for creating your romantic marriage.
If fighting is a thorn in your marriage, get Jean's free marriage e-Course, Parents, Stop Fighting! Save Your Marriage Now!