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7 Anger Solutions: How Irritated Parents Can Develop Patience

By Jean Tracy, MSS

If your anger is ruling your life and upsetting your family, you can change. Read on to find out 7 practical tips and start using them today. You can learn to control your emotions and become more patient. Controlling your feelings is the best way to control your life.

Below you will find a brief video for decreasing fury and increasing kindness.

As a counselor, I remember a family who felt terrorized by the father's anger. He spewed and spouted like a volcano. He was especially hard on his 10-year-old daughter, yelling names like, "Fatso" and "Dummy." Desperate, she ran to her mother and begged, "Mommy, do something!" The mother filed for divorce. The dad opposed it but the mother had to protect her daughter.

If you let your temper become a habit, it's time to stop.

7 Parenting Tips to Conquer Rage

1. See the bigger picture

Ask yourself, "How is my anger hurting me and my family?" Think about it. Then picture how you'd rather be. Ask, "What do I need to do to get there?" Brainstorm and write down the answers to this question. Your answers will help you see what you must do.

2. Get a journal

Write down your answers about the steps you will take to become more tolerant. Each day write down what you tried and how it turned out. Think about what went wrong and what went well. Plan ahead how to make tomorrow better.

3. Visualize

See yourself acting and feeling more patient with your family. In the same moment tell yourself, "I am relaxed and patient." Do this before you fall asleep at night. This helps your unconscious work on it while you sleep.

Before you get out of bed in the morning, repeat seeing, sensing, and saying, "I am relaxed and patient," It will help you set your attitude for the day.

4. STOP!

Use the STOP technique when you start feeling a wave of anger.

S = Slow down and take 5 deep breaths.

T = Think about your irrational self-talk like,

"They should…"They shouldn't…" (Demanding that reality be different than it is.)

"It's awful…"I can't stand it!"(Catastrophizing or "making mountains out of mole hills")

Then challenge yourself with, "Who said, "I'm the king of the universe?" Or, "Who said things have to go my way?" The answers will give you a more realistic perspective.

O = Options – Ask, "What are my options in this difficult moment?"

P = Pick the best option and act on it.

Add this technique to your journal and write down how you used it each day.

5. Create a reminder

Use sticky notes with one word on it like PATIENCE. Post them on your bathroom mirror, car dashboard, fridge, in your sock drawer, by your bedside, or on your computer. Post it where you will see it as a reminder and say, "I am patient" while you take 5 calming breaths.

6. Self-Care

Decrease stress by getting enough sleep, eating good foods, exercising, slowing down, relaxing, listening to soothing music, planning pleasant events, and avoiding or lessening your alcohol intake.

7. Gratitude

When waiting in long lines or when stuck in traffic, list and say out loud what you are grateful for. You might start with each member of your family.

Conclusion: Turning Anger into Patience

We all get upset from time to time. That's normal. But if you want to stop the rage, you can change. You can move from being cross to caring, from furious to fun-loving, from tense to tender.

Commit to seeing the big picture, write down your progress in a journal, use the stop technique, think rationally, and visualize how you want to be.

If you create reminders to be calm, give yourself good care, and increase your gratitude, you will become the person you want to be. You and your family will be happier too.

Below you'll find the brief video about developing patience.


Watch How Parents Can Control Their Anger Families prosper when parents break the anger habit.

Get the Parenting Skills Kit Use it to develop patience and feel great about yourself.

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