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5 Top Divorce Questions Your Children Might Ask + Video
By Jean Tracy, MSS
When parents divorce, it's tough on everyone, especially kids. If you're considering divorce, there are questions kids need answered. Keep reading to find out what they are and how to answer them.
You'll also find a short YouTube Video below with 14 common questions kids ask.
As a counselor, I remember a mother of 3 children. She had a crush on a coworker. Although the workmate had never indicated he cared about her, she decided to get a divorce and pursue him. She backed away from her infatuation when she examined the parenting plan she'd have to follow if she were to divorce. She loved her children and didn't want to turn their lives upside down.
Why Parents Divorce:
To escape domestic abuse
To flee an addicted partner
To protect the children
To let go of an unfaithful partner
To find romance with someone new
Whatever the reason, parents do divorce and children are affected. So how do you talk to kids about divorce?
9 Parenting Behaviors for Answering Your Child's Questions about the Divorce
Prepare for your parent/child discussion by considering these questions your child might ask by:
Thinking about what to answer
Breathing deeply and calm yourself
Promising yourself to be kind, firm, and patient when dealing with your youngster's emotions
Picking a quiet place without interruptions for talking about the divorce
Saying, "Tell me more," after he shares his feelings
Letting him ask what he wants to know
Being truthful according to his age and avoid telling him what he isn't ready to know
Talking respectfully about your ex-partner because not doing so will hurt your child's feelings.
Being open and giving him permission to ask any future questions about the divorce
5 Divorce Questions Your Kids Might Ask You
Divorce shatters a child's world. She knows she's not ready to care for herself. Her defenselessness causes her much worry. She needs to trust that you can and will take care of her. That's why you must prepare and think carefully before you answer her questions. Calm many of her anxieties when she asks:
1. Where will I live?
Most children don't want their parents to divorce. They can't picture what will happen to them. They don't have the experience to know. Will they live with you, your ex, or someone else? Calm their nerves with your best answer.
2. Why Don't You Love Each Other Anymore?
Your kids love both of you. So why don't you love each other? Divorcing doesn't make sense to children. Avoid tearing down your ex. Why? If you put down your ex-partner, it could backfire on you. Kids might disrespect you and your unkind words. They could begin to imagine their other parent as the super parent.
3. Will You Stop Loving Me Too?
It's a sensible question. If you can stop loving your spouse, then you can stop loving them too. Whether they ask this question or not, assure them that you will always love them.
4. Did I Cause the Divorce?
If only I behaved better. If only I had stopped complaining, whining, or did my chores without being asked, maybe my parents wouldn't divorce,' think many children. Make clear that the divorce is between you both as parents and has nothing to do with them.
5. When Will I See You?
Most children know kids whose parents are already divorced. They know children whose parents never come to their sports or music events. They know classmates who only see one parent.
How you and your ex-spouse answer this can go far to raising or lowering their fears.
Conclusion about the Divorce Questions Kids Ask
YOU CAN answer your child's questions if you are prepared. Think about the questions from your youngster's viewpoint. Of course, they feel vulnerable, worry about themselves, wonder how their relationship with the two most important people in the world will turn out.
When you sit down and discuss the answers, be firm, be kind, and be patient. Knowing that you're open and truthful will go a long way to calming their fears about their future.
To find out the 14 common questions children ask, watch the video below.parenting behaviors, parenting plan, parents divorce, why parents divorce, child's questions, conclusion about the divorce,
Pick up Divorce Stories and Strategies to Help Your Child Heal. Encourage your child to discuss the ideas with you.
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View more information about Character Building: Divorce Stories and Strategies to Help Your Child Heal