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How Loving Parents Raise Spoiled Kids: 10 Bad Signs and 10 Good Tips
By Jean Tracy, MSS
Parents who give too much spoil kids who want much more. If you're your child's doormat or think you might be spoiling her, you probably are. Grumbling growling kids who get everything they want can become selfish grouches. To identify 10 disturbing signs of selfishness and 10 parenting solutions, keep reading.
As a child and family counselor, loving parents shared this common problem with me:
Child: "I can do what I want and you can't stop me."
Tearful Mom: "Why do you talk to me this way? I give you everything you want."
Mom's pleading and tears tell her child, "I won!"
Mom wants love, respect, and the situation to change. The child feels powerful, gets what she wants, and, of course, fights all changes.
These 10 Signs of Verbal Abuse Reveal a Spoiled Child
The words your child yells at you reflect how she thinks and feels. Does your child say words like these?
1. Do it yourself.
2. You never buy me anything.
3. You can't make me.
4. Don't tell me what to do.
5. I hate you.
6. Why should I help you? It's your job.
7. You make me do everything.
8. Give me my allowance even if I don't' do my chores.
9. I'm not listening to you.
10. You never cook anything I like.
If you hear 3 or 4 of these often, chances are your child is feeling entitled. You're the giver. She's the taker. You've been operating out of love. She's been seeking power to get what she wants. What can you do?
Take a Stand!
By not taking a stand against disrespect when your kids are young, you risk raising children to become grumpy, greedy, and lazy adults. They'll have difficulty forming positive relationships because they expect others to serve them just like you did.
This isn't what loving parents want for their kids. Such unhealthy conduct must be stopped before puberty when peers might reinforce their rude habits. Being a stronger parent and putting a stop to the ugly behavior when children are young is a better way to love.
These 10 Parenting Tips Turn Spoiled Kids into Caring Children
These difficult suggestions may offend some parents who've been taught to solve every problem with loving and giving. When their over-indulged child frequently treats them like a doormat, it is hoped they'll discover too much giving is not the best way to love.
If you're a loving giver and your child holds you in contempt, consider these 10 mindsets:
1. Be determined to change. It's good for you and your child.
2. Disengage from your child. If he rebels, don't give in. Stay strong.
3. Keep a blank face when your child is disrespectful. Practice it in the mirror. No tears.
4. Walk away from your child's abusive behaviors. Avoid being sucked in.
5. Keep your child's allowance if he doesn't complete chores or does them poorly.
6. Stop doing your child's laundry or being his chauffeur.
7. Avoid all arguing. You won't win.
8. Avoid giving lectures, yelling and pleading. They make you sound and look weak.
9. Avoid looking at your child's pouting face. Don't ask why he's upset. You'll get trapped into listening to his abuse about why you don't care.
10. Wait until your child truly becomes respectful before moving on to a happier more balanced relationship. A few displays of positive actions are not enough. Why? His new behavior isn't a habit yet and his insulting conduct could easily rise again.
Conclusion for Helping Loving Parents Avoid Raising Spoiled People
When some parents stop their doormat habits and practice these suggestions, they feel uncomfortable. They need to realize these 10 solutions are not meant to make their kids happy with them. That will come later.
The big goal is to help their sons and daughters become caring, capable people who create healthy relationships. Moms and Dads who turn their disrespectful kids into respectful children display realistic love, discover better parent-child bonds, and develop character too.
Jean Tracy, MSS invites you to sign up for her FREE Parenting Newsletter and receive:
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